Today was a good day

Nothing extraordinary happened today. Today I got up with the kids, got all of us ready and out the door by 9am, and got Emma to school on time. I feel satisfied that while Emma was at school I did a few returns, bought groceries for the week, and went to the post office. It was such a beautiful day that when we got home I let the kids play out front with bubbles while I brought the groceries in and then we stayed outside and played a little more before having lunch and putting Logan down for his nap. Scott was home so while Logan slept I took Emma and Alan on a walk to a park. We played on the play ground and a little soccer too. Then after we got home I changed a smelly little boy fresh from his nap and rested a little before making a yummy dinner. And then gave the boys a bath before getting them all down for bed. I know it is nothing special, but after how I have been feeling it was nice to have such a normal day. There are so many magical moments in every normal day and it was nice to see them. I loved seeing my sweet Emma sitting in the grass lit by the sun sharing her new bubbles with her brothers and Logan trying so hard to blow bubbles. I loved watching Emma and Alan run across grass to the park so cute and eager. They were so cute kicking the ball to Mommy. All and all it was a good day.

Is there a still a baby in your tummy?

Today Alan boy was sitting next to me on the couch and we had a conversation that went as follows:

Alan asked, "Is there still a baby in your tummy?"

I said, "nope."

Alan - "Because it had to go back to Heavenly Father." (it was not a question)

"Yeah buddy, it just wasn't ready yet."

"It still had to get dressed at Heavenly Father's house and then it will be ready."

I love the way the mind of a child works, especially my Alan. Love you buddy.

Loss

Loss is the best word for how I feel right now. When it comes to this past week I find myself at a loss of words and although I am doing as well as can be expected there are still moments where all I feel is loss.

Thursday started off like any other day. Jenny called and the kids and I met up with her and her girls at Kangaroo Zoo. The kids had a blast and it was nice to get out with them and have a little low key fun after the excitement of Alan's birthday on Tuesday and the party at Sue's house on Wednesday. I was actually really looking forward to blogging about how proud I was of Emma and Alan. They climbed all the hard to climb ladders and had no fear on the huge slides.

Anyway, that afternoon when we got home is when I first noticed that something could be wrong. Scott was still at school and I was anxious for him to get home. As the day went on I started "spotting." I was sad and scared and didn't really know what to do. I didn't have a doctor for this pregnancy yet, and all of my past pregnancies had always been basically perfect. Plus niether Scott's Mom or my Mom had ever had a miscarraige. I just kept hoping that everything would be fine. After we put the kids to bed I had Scott give me a blessing. As soon as he did I knew I was going to lose this baby, but I still managed to deny it for another few hours. By 11pm I couldn't deny it any longer and we had to go to the ER. Thanks again to Guy and then to Mom and Dad for coming over and staying with the kids. We checked into the ER a little after midnight on Friday the 13th and didn't get home until about 3:30 am. They did a ton of lame tests and spent forever doing the ultrasound. The ultrasound was the worse part, because at 7 weeks he should have been able to see something, but he just kept moving the thing around and not saying anything. I was so glad to have Scott there. Basically when we left they told us we were most likely losing the baby, but they couldn't say for sure because they couldn't get a clear enough picture of what was happening on the ultra sound. By Friday morning there was no question that I was losing this baby.

This whole experience has helped me to realize how truly blessed I am. I have felt so much comfort from my Father in Heaven. A miscarriage was always one of my worst fears and I have been surprised that I have been able to deal with everything as well as I have. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband who has done so much to help and support me through all of this. I have been blessed with 3 beautiful wonderful children. I have wonderful family, friends, and ward. And I was blessed to have this happen when it did. For some reason I feel like never seeing, hearing, or feeling the baby makes the loss hurt a little bit less. Any woman who has ever been pregnant knows that from the moment you find out you are expecting you are in love with your child. You fall in love with the idea of who that little person will be and the idea of holding a new tiny perfect little person in your arms. The loss of that idea is what I feel most now, but since it happened so early and since they said it seems like it just wasn't growing, I don't feel like I lost having that perfect little person in my life. I know in my heart that there is a sweet little spirit still waiting to come to our family and that when the time is right she will. For now I have to be patient and know that my time is not the Lord's time.

Alan's Birthday Party

For a while Alan wanted to do everything for his birthday, then we got it down to just a few things for his birthday, and in the end he had to choose one thing, so we all went to Chuck E. Cheese's. Alan had a wonderful time. He was such a sweet and happy birthday boy. There were no meltdowns until after we got home and he was getting ready for bed (over an hour after his normal bed time.) He was so nice to be willing to share all of his new toys with Emma and Logan. Check out all those presents! He got cars and a puzzle (thanks Mom), a shark (thanks Eric), a Kite and Playdough set (thanks Mom and Dad), Tigger Rain Boots, a Handy Manny Repair Radio, a Cash Register, and the Yo Gabba Gabba DJ Lance Dance hat. I am still shocked that he ended up with so much stuff. Although I think that his favorite was the silly balloon ball thing that we got as party favors for all the kids.

Racing Daddy. Alan was really driving, but he couldn't reach the pedals so Daddy helped him out.

Hey guys what's so funny?

Alan with his Orca ,Wubbzy, Dragon cake (yes, the three are unrelated, but that's what Alan wanted). He was so worried when he got up this morning and the Orca wasn't on the cake yet. I guess having a killer whale jumping over your cake is very important.

I was surprised at how well he actually played. I think he even won :) It was so fun to have Mom and Dad, Dan, Ludy, Tom, Eric, Jake, and Kev there with us. I know it made Alan feel that much more special.

Logan didn't want to get on any of the rides

Emma was the only one who wanted to get this close to Chuck

Here is another shot of Alan's Orca, Wubbzy, Dragon cake. The idea is an island with a sleeping dragon in a cave with Wubbzy doing the whole free willy thing as the orca jumps over the island. That could happen right? And the dragon is cake. Alan made it very clear that he wanted to have the dragon be his special piece of cake. And it says "Wow Wow Alan is 3!" If you have seen Wubbzy you know why.
I realized last year when Alan turned two he had a Diego Dinosaur cake, and this year when he turned 3 he had an Orca Wubbzy Dragon cake, so next year when he turns 4 maybe it will be a soccer, shark, spider man, lizard cake. :)

My Alan boy is 3 years old today!!!

I can't believe that my little Alan is 3 years old. To me it seems like he has always been 2. Maybe that is because he was walking at nine months and speaking in full sentences by 14 months. (by the way in the black and white pic to the left he is 2 days old). Or maybe it's because since the day he was born he has seemed to think that he is the same age as Emma. Either way he is such a sweet and amazing little boy.
So now he is 3. He seems to grow so much I barely believe how much he has changed this year. One new thing for Alan this year is that he loves going to his "school" (nursery). When he first started going to nursery, it took a little over 6 months before I finally just left him there. He would always be so afraid to be left somewhere with out me or Scott. But now he seems so much more outgoing and he loves going to his school. Even with this last move, on the first Sunday he just ran right in to nursery and didn't even look back.
He is also getting so much better with his numbers and letters. For some reason learning has always just come very easily to him. He recognizes most letters, spells his name, and can actually read/recognize about 7 different words like Alan, cat, dog, ladybug, and Emma. He is really looking forward to starting preschool in the fall and amazes me daily with his ever expanding vocabulary.
And to my great joy he is basically potty trained and pretty much did it all on his own. I am not even allowed to help. He is not in "little" boy underwear yet, but that is mostly because I am scared and not because he isn't ready. I am sure any day now I will bite the bullet and get out his new underwear.
I just love my sweet Alan boy so much. He is just so good, and loving, and caring, and such a bright spot in my life. I am so blessed to have had him these past 3 years and I am blessed to know that I will have him forever.
We love you Alan!!!

Has this ever happened to you?

Ok, so you put your kids to bed and you go down stairs. Then about 20 mins later your 4 year old just starts crying and basically freaking out. She comes down the stairs, tears rolling down her face and she says to you, "I was cuddling Jesus and then I swallowed him." You think you must not have heard her correctly so you ask "what?" and through the sobs she repeats "I was cuddling Jesus and I swallowed him." Then you feel bad because instead of panicking you start to laugh.

I know what you are thinking...Oh yeah that happened to me just yesterday. Well yesterday that did happen to me. In primary they gave all the kids those little clear glass pebble type things with a picture of Jesus on the back. They were instructed to take good care of them so none of their little brothers or sisters would choke on them. And last night Emma got hers out after we put her to bed, was playing with it and apparently had it in her mouth when she accidentally swallowed it. When she came downstairs it was apparent that she was breathing fine and her crying sounded more upset than in pain so I guess that is why I found it more funny than worrisome. I called her pediatrician today and they said as long as she is not complaining about any stomach or back pain she should be fine and it should pass in about 3 days. And Emma learned a valuable lesson.

Happy Anniversary

It is a little hard to believe that 6 years ago today Scott and I got married... at 7:30 am. Wow time sure flies when you are having fun! Our wedding day is such a sweet, happy, perfect memory for me and now here we are 6 years later and I have been able to add so many more beautiful memories to it. Happy Anniversary! I love you Scott.

Since our anniversary was on a Sunday this year Scott and I started celebrating it yesterday. Eric was so nice to come over and babysit the kids while we went out. Thanks Eric! He usually comes over and watches them after we put them to bed. When we got home I could tell he was feeling a little overwhelmed but the kids were all still alive and the house was still standing and Logan threw a fit when he didn't get to go home with Eric so he must have done a great job. Scott and I had dinner at LaVignia. The food was wonderful and the company was even better.

This morning Scott got up with the kids and made me breakfast in bed. It was very good, but I was so tired (and a little bit sick) that I fell back asleep with the plate on the bed. Then tonight we had a little family birthday party after all a wedding really is the birth of a brand new family. The kids were a little confused when I told them we were having strawberry short cake for dessert. Alan said "but Strawberry short cake has blood in her, are we going to eat blood?" and when Emma got her piece she said "This doesn't look like Strawberry Short Cake." I kept trying to explain that she was named after this dessert.

Anyway it was a very nice day and I am so glad that we have an eternity of anniversaries to look forward to.This picture was taken at Bridal Veil Falls. Scott and I had only know each other 2 days. It was such a fun day. We were married 179 days later!

Ohh we look so cute and young and in love!

Shelley's Cake

Here is the cake I made for Shelley's open house. I don't think it looks as good in the pictures as it did in person. But I think Shelley liked it so I guess that is all that matters.

Also thanks for the help picking out a picture for her. In the end I printed the first choice. I was going to print out 2 of them and let her choose, but my printer decided that it doesn't print anymore and I was only able to print out the one picture.

Please Read This and Tell Me What You Think

I was the photographer for my dear friend Chantel's little sister's wedding today. It was so much fun and great to see all Nebekers again. Anyway Shelley asked me to print and bring to her open house tomorrow. She wants 1 8x10 sepia picture from today. She told me to pick one that was romantic and kissing preferred. So I would like a few opinons. I am not sure how many people will even see this, but I have to print the picture out by Noon tomorrow (Saturday) so it you see this let me know which of the sepia pics is your favorite. I am also throwing in a few that I just happen to like. Thanks.

The happy couple

Mother and Daughter

Joy

Doesn't she look BEAUTIFUL?

Choice #1

Choice #2

Choice #3

Choice #4

Tagged

I've been "tagged" by Andrea.

Here are the rules for the Honest Scrap Award:

A) first list 10 honest things about yourself-and make it interesting even if you have to dig deep

B) pass the award on to seven bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap

*Ok so as a warning I have no idea how I am going to come up with 10 things, but let just see how it goes.*

1. I am pregnant...but here is where it gets interesting. When my #4 is born I will have a 5 year old, a 3 year old, a 2 year old and I will want to have 4 more children in the next 7 years. That is 8 kids in 12 years. So I guess number 1 for my 10 honest things is that I am crazy!

2. I love to do anything that can be considered "crafty." My current love it making cakes (look back next week to see Alan's Orca Wubbzy Dragon 3rd birthday cake) but I really enjoy creating stuff (sewing, baking, photography, drawing, coloring, painting stuff, decorating. I was an art major for a while in college and I think I just need to always be creating to fill my art needs.

3. I think I am the smartest and luckiest woman alive and here is why. I married Scott. I often can't believe that I was lucky enough to find someone who is so amazing and loves me so completely, who is my best friend, biggest supporter, and so much more. On Sunday we will have been married for 6 years and I know we will be together forever. I love him so much.

4. I think Scott is a buttface. (If you know Scott you know how 3 and 4 can exist together)

5. I think I am SOOOOO Funny.

6. I think the best thing I ever did for myself was when I was 19 years old and I decided I wanted to be a active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I know I would not have the wonderful life I have now if I had not made that decision.

7. Ok so I don't want any comments on this. I often feel like I am lacking as a mom. I feel like I don't do enough, I'm not fun enough, I'm not patient enough, I don't show the kids how much I love them as often as I should, and I am not teaching them enough. But I know they know I love them and I know I am trying to always be a better mom that I was before so I guess that is all I can do.

8. I love reading! This surprises me because I would say that my first 20 years of life I was not really into reading at all, but now I love having a good book to escape into.

9. I love dancing. When I was young I danced ballet, tap, jazz, a bit of ballroom, and hip hop. I was on the dance teams basically as long as I can remember, dance team in high school and cheerleading in high school and in college. Now I dance 3 days a week. I just love it. I also love dancing in the living room with my kids. It is just such a wonderful form of expression. I guess it is yet another way I can get my hands into art.

10. To my ultimate sadness my house is always a mess! I feel like I try so hard, but I just can't keep it clean. I guess I will just keep trying and maybe someday I will succeed. And maybe someday I will get a little more help with it than just Logan always putting the spoons away for me. (He puts the spoons away because they are the only ones he can reach out of the dishwasher and he always puts them away in the wrong drawer. On the upside he does it without being asked.)

Um...absolutely NO pressure to do this but I'll list a few people anyway...
I tag:
1. Kathleen
2. Jenny
3. Meghan
4. Joleen
5. Shona
6. Treyonna
7. Andrea Nelson who is not my sister-in-law